秋水寒

  Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing.
You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes.
And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad.
You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

How Is Your Inner Child?

More Blogthings

days ago i spent a whole afternoon sitting in front of my laptop, trying to write a message to stop one of my friends' from suicide (not that i could). three and half a hour later i found all these big theories about why killing herself is wrong are so weak. and all i could come up is "...plz don't do it". 

i think in some ways i kind of agree with what she thought about the her life. sometimes, actually most of the time, people suck, they are cold and selfish and "the world only cares about what can be squeezed out of you".... It's just not worth staying.

so the message wasn't sent, and in the past few days, what she said is sticking in my head and depresses me... a lot. i can't help wonder why some people struggle against famine, drought, disease and whatsoever, while some other people have everything those poor ones ever dream of but what to kill themselves. im not judging here, seriously.

finally i felt maybe i should talk to my parents about it, hoping they might give me some advice to cheer her up... you know, considering they are "older" or  more "experienced" or whatever. not that i was too drunk to think clear about what a BIG FAT STUPID decision it is. 

the first sentence i heard from my mother is "what kind of friends you've had?! you should keep away from those people." like she is a germ or sth. Suddenly i hate ME. what a stupid fuck i am! like ive NEVER EVER known them.

Still im a bit shocked.

My mother has cancer. she goes through the all depression things and i see how she talked to all our relatives and her friends, and been helped. and this is what she had. not even showing a little compassion or understanding. my father, on the other hand, asked me what was my point to brought it up, to tell some news? then he talked quite nicely about it at first. he even said that i could invited my friend over if i wanted to (yeah, easy to say, like hell i'll believe him) then he start to ask me why im so interested in those "weird staff", accusing me about my morality to make gay friends and how disappointed about my friend circles and my worldview and blah blah blah...

apparently we both think each other as an arrogant asshole. only i didn't say it out aloud. at the end of the conversation, i admitted that i might be the lowest person in the world as he said and i just don't give a rat's ass. i have no desire pursuing their recognition for whatsoever. (which i think is not entirely true at this point, other wise i wouldn't be so pissed off… anyway im working on it~)

i feel lucky somehow, you know: im not gay, i didn't tell them she is gay. (im not that drunk)

but the problem is still unsolved. i still don't know how to comfort her, i haven't heard from her for days, and she's probably dead already.

maybe she should just kill herself. you know, if she feels nobody love her, nobody needs her... or she needs nobody. she should totally go for it. those poor people i mentioned above, they should do it too. they're just too poor to get a good education to be smart enough to realize they actually mean nothing to me or my parents or the world. besides their lives are miserable, they could go to a better place, really. what, you think im cold and selfish and unhuman now? you think differently and you are such a kind person so that you can feel good about yourself? like the world will become a better place because you are so nice?

now, im still staring at a empty message board... my head is hurting like a bitch, and nothing useful is coming into my mind so far...

自己的感觉还是挺准的~ 这个测试可能高估我了, 我现在应该是8/2,差不多~

没有看过Supernatural的朋友应该不明白我在讲什么...

Playthings 是Supernatural系列播放至今,让我最最钟爱的一集.

编剧用一对姐妹的关系来映射Sam和Dean之间的感情, 不够细心的人, 只会看到破案救人的过程, 很容易就把他们之间直接的关系忽略了. (Eric果然够狡猾...)

  credit:红叶飘零

善良的Sam想要用自己的能力去拯救身边的每一个人, 但是命运却总是让他身边的人遭受不幸,  于是他在酒醉之后向哥哥提出一个任性的要求: 如果有一天自己不由的变成一个坏人, Dean一定帮他结束自己的生命. 却忘了这样的要求, 伤害了全世界最最爱他的人...Orz

 credit:红叶飘零

Sam的看家武器 – "Puppy dog eye"
杀伤力200%  *谁忍心对这样的表情说No*
对哥哥使用,再加200%  *Dean被吃的死死滴*

 credit:红叶飘零

--做一个永远无法实现的承诺

 credit:红叶飘零

故事的最后, 一对姐妹的鬼魂在布满洋娃娃的房间里开着永不结束的tea party... 再也没有更完美的结局了~ Hee~

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MEME
1) Are you really ready for 100 questions?
Maybe~
2) Was your last relationship a mistake?
...Define “Mistake”… no, I don’t think so.
3) Do you believe in God?
No
4) Who did you last say "I love you" too?
A LJ friend
5) Do you regret it?
No
6) Have you ever been depressed?
Yes.
7) Do you have a best friend?
Yes
8) Are you a boy or girl?
I’ll be a boy… in my next life.
9) What is your relationship status?
Single
10) How do you want to die?
Sleeping or bleeding (no hurting)
11) What did you last eat?
Vitamin pills
12) When was your last non-physical fight?
Yesterday with my dad
13) Do you have an attitude?
Yes
14) Ever been in love?
Yes
15) What is your real name?
Monica
16) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
Hate is a BIG word… no~
17) Do you miss someone?
Kinda
18) Twirl or cut your spaghetti / 面条?
Twirl
19) Do you tan a lot?
No
20) Have any pets?
No, not a pet person, but i’d like to have a cat/dog someday
21) How exactly are you feeling?
…=_=
22) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
while someone’s driving yes, while im driving? i don't have a car but i drink coffee while im riding a bike…
23) Ever made out in the bathroom?
Yes
24) Would you take any of your exes back?
they’re all VERY VERY nice, but i wouldn’t do that
25) Are you scared of spiders?
…Maybe?
26) Would you go back in time if you could?
Yes
27) Do you regret anything in your past?
what done is done
28) What are your plans for this weekend?
A short trip to Beijing
29) Do you want to have kids?
No but i’ll love them if i have them
30) Ever kissed somebody that name starts with an M?
… … … can’t remember
31) Do you type fast?
Chinese? yes, English? maybe
32) Do you have piercings?
No
33) Want any more?
-
34) Can you spell well?
Nnnnnn……nah~
35) Do you miss anyone from your past?
yes.
36) What are you craving right now?
my unmet new cell phone
37) Ever been to a bonfire party?
No
38) Have you ever been on a horse?
Yes
39) Kissed someone in a truck?
No
40) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yes
41) Have you ever been cheated on?
not i’ve known of.
42) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Yes
43) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Yes
44) What should you be doing?
??????
45) What's irritating you right now?
control-freak parents
46) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
Yes
47) Does somebody love you besides family?
Yes
48) What is your favorite color?
Black & Blue (sorry i cheat a bit on this Q =P)
49) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes
50) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
O_o…No, coz my Kitchen sink is on balcony…
51) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yes and no
52) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
no idea
53) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
can’t remember… does my laptop count? wall-E is a very very touching movie…
54) Do you give out second chances too easily?
Depends on who i give it out, but usually yes
55) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
for me i think both
56) Is this year the best year of your life?
definitely not
57) What was your child hood nickname?
闹壳子
58) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
almost, after a shower in a public shower room of a swimming pool.
59) Do you think you're a good person?
yes. however i could be evil for a good reason, hee~
60) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
yes
61) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
…hee~
62) Is there anyone you wish was still in your life? Who?
Yes, grandma
63) What is bothering you?
control-freak parents
64) Have you ever been out of state province?
Yes
65) Are you listening to music right now?
yes
66) Do you like Chinese food?
…
67) Do you know your fathers b-day?
coz i do
68) Are you afraid of the dark?
No
69) Is cheating ever okay?
that’s a very good question...
70) Are you mean?
No
71) Can you keep white shoes clean?
depends on where i am and what im doing
72) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?
No...yes...no...yes…
73) Do you believe in true love?
Yes…no…yes…no…
74) Do you like the outside?
Yes
75) Are you currently bored?
No
76) Do you wanna get married?
Naaaaaah
77) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Yes
78) Are you hungry?
No
79) Do you have a bank account?
Yes
80) What makes you happy?
LOVE, friendship, being healthy, good fanfiction, good music, good art, good sex, happy people, Oh and Supernatural, Jensen & Jared~
81) Would you change your name?
change to what?
82) Ever been to Alaska?
No
83) Do you watch the news?
only when im having meal with my parents in front of a TV while news is on.
84) What' s your zodiac sign?
Sagittarius
85) Do you like Subway?
you mean the restaurant? or… doesn’t matter, no
86) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
no
87) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
like back, best friend and lover? i'm the luckiest person in the world~
88) Do you like your friends?
of cos
89) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
Yes
90) Who is the last guy you talked to?
my cousin
91) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Yes, smoking is a disgusting habit.
92) What's going on between you and your best friend?
We haven’t talked for a longtime
93) Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my cousin
94) Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
No
95) Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos?
How can i enjoy them if i don’t even have one.
96) What do you wear more: jeans, sweats, or shorts?
Jeans
97) You're a Sharpie marker, what color are you?
dark blue
98) Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
does 3 am count as night? or morning?
99) Have you ever said you'd never love again?
no, not said it out loud
100) Do you want to please everyone?
yeah~ right~ =_=

Tagging/点名: EVERYONE